You know the scene, I’ll bet.
You wash your car and 10 minutes later a monsoon begins.
For the first time in something like 20 years you get an income tax refund. Six hours later you learn you have to replace the roof on your house.
So far this has been a rather mild winter here in the hinterlands of Ohio. We’ve had snow only twice but, unfortunately, the first time was three days before I decided to buy snow tires for the car and the second time was hours before we were due to take an extended road trip to visit relatives in Minnesota.
You know me. I’m the guy who gets to a fabulous sale two days after it ends.
If I shell out big bucks for tickets to a baseball game, there’s a lightning storm that night.
I bought a clothing item the other day. I didn’t bother to try it on at the store because a little tag on the collar promised “ONE SIZE FITS ALL.” When I got it home, I discovered it was two sizes too small.
I was at my favorite service station and the owner of the place decided to up the price 20 cents a gallon just as I pulled up to the pump.
When my wife Sally and I decided to down-size and move into a smaller home now that all four kids are out on their own, we found ourselves with tons of furniture and other stuff that we didn’t have room for.
Our daughters suggested we have a garage sale. We spent days sorting and pricing everything from table lamps to knick-knacks. The day of the sale only six people showed up.
My lawn mower always conks out when I get half the lawn cut.
And when the family car dies, it’s never something really simple to fix. “What do you think is wrong with it?” I ask Red, our favorite auto mechanic. Let me note right here that all auto mechanics are named Red or Buck or Smitty. How come auto mechanics are never named Wendell or Percy? Once Red or Buck or Smitty gets under the hood to take a look at the car, they always discover something is seriously wrong with it.
Yup, I never catch any breaks. That’s for sure.
My umbrella always disintegrates on a day when it’s raining.
Every day I check my horoscope in the morning newspaper. Other people’s horoscopes always have pleasant little things in them. “You will come into a fabulous sum of money” and “Everything will look brighter tomorrow.”
My most recent horoscope - I’m a Sagittarius – began “Whatever you do, stay inside today, do not use electrical appliances, eat any frozen foods from the supermarket or drive your car.”
© 2007 North Star Writers Group.