Stagner remains on baseball beat as season closes
by Monty Stagner
May 21, 2008 | 0 0 comments | 1 1 recommendations | email to a friend | print
The Trigg County Wildcats honored the seniors and their parents last week in a ceremony prior to the game with Dawson Springs. Pictured here is Jamey Guinn with his mother, Lisa.
The Trigg County Wildcats honored the seniors and their parents last week in a ceremony prior to the game with Dawson Springs. Pictured here is Jamey Guinn with his mother, Lisa.
slideshow
Tyler Greenman with his parents Chris and Cindy.
Tyler Greenman with his parents Chris and Cindy.
slideshow
Welcome back kind readers to my little alcove in the gigantic world of the printed word. As baseball winds down and there is a gap of several newspaper cycles before football (I get a little giddy just typing the word football!) several of my most faithful followers have inquired if I will write during the interim. Well of course I will, and it very well may be published right here in the Cadiz Record if my most generous and munificent editor sees fit. There is still so much I need to share. The foibles and heroics of the common man on and off the sporting field is target rich to say the least. Read on for a small “off season” sample.

Why is it that many among us are adamantly adverse to reading directions? Have you ever gotten an item that requires assembly? Of course you have, be it a computer desk, office chair, even most toys require some snapping together of parts. Usually there is a detailed instruction booklet printed in a dozen or more languages requiring one to find their language of choice and go to work. I usually go with English but when I feel exceptionally witty I will have a crack at the Norwegian or Latvian directions with varying degrees of success. My good wife Robin (picture an educated Lucille Ball on Red Bull) has, as it turns out, a phobia of the printed instruction booklet. I only found out about this recently after many years of matrimony. We had a major disruption in our relatively peaceful home when the Sharper Image oscillating fan in our bedroom went south. It had an electrical short and when she turned it on there was a loud “pop” then a louder female scream, then darkness and whimpering. I ran into the bedroom expecting a normal serial killer confrontation. After getting a grip on the situation I instructed her to unplug the defective device while I reset the breaker. Before I could explain to her the electrical chain of the events that caused darkness she had turned the still faulty fan on again. Believe it or not, it had not healed itself even though it did come with a pedigree from a superior retail establishment now in receivership. My bride can’t sleep without the fan so replacement was of great importance. Long story short, I went out and got her a new, even nicer tower fan. It was her birthday so everything seemed to be going my way as I had nothing else working on that front. After opening the box she yelped like a coyote pup and I looked to see her staring at 4 fairly self explanatory fan parts. “Do something” she pleaded. I picked up the instructions (good ones with cartoons) and placed them on her lap. The paper might as well have been a rattle snake. She held up her hands and yelled, “I can’t read, I can’t read”. For a moment I felt deep pain for all the innocent gifted and talented children she has come in contact with, and then I just felt sorry for myself. As I carefully fed the deadly instructions to the shredder (after a quick glance at the cartoons) I realized my wife suffers from Direction Deficient Disorder (DDD). I’m thinking Shock Therapy is worth a try. I’ll keep you posted as I’m thinking she needs a new computer desk with shelves and doors! But right now it’s still baseball!

For the rest of this column, read this week's Cadiz Record.
Weather
Click for Cadiz, Kentucky Forecast
Sponsored By:
Beaus Blog Logo
Read Beau's Daily Analysis