If you think we got it wrong, please feel free to add your own.
McConnell used his seniority on the Appropriations Committee to secure funding for the following Kentucky military and defense facilities:
Blue Grass Army Depot:
$20 million for the Assembled Chemical Weapons Alternatives (ACWA) program at the Blue Grass Army Depot in Richmond, Ky. where chemical weapons are store and slowly being destroyed.
Translation: A bottle of bleach
Airport Industrial Center/Technology Park of Greater Louisville:
$9 million for Mk 45 Mod 5” Gun Mount Overhauls.
Translation: A modern oarlock to steady your gun.
$6 million for DDG 1000 AGS Pallets. This funding supports the production of initial ammunition pallets for DDG 1000 ships.
Translation: Wooden pallets you can pick up behind our office. (If you get here first.)
$10.7 million for Phalanx Next Generation. The Phalanx system is a combat-proven system that provides effective terminal defense against rocket, artillery and mortar threats ashore and small boat, aircraft, and anti-ship cruise missiles threats at sea.
Translation: A pair of night vision goggles and binoculars.
$2 million for Biometric Signatures Research at the University of Louisville. Researchers at UofL are working to improve the military’s ability to identify chemical signatures to combat chemical and biological terrorism.
Translation: A machine to sniff chemicals, sort of like a trained drug dog.
$1.7 million for the Digital Directed Manufacturing Project at the University of Louisville. Researchers at UofL believe they can help the military produce replacement parts for equipment anywhere in the world.
Translation: A big used parts store.
$3.5 million for Online Medical Training for Military Personnel at the University of Louisville. Researchers at UofL continue to work with the industry to develop an online medical training system that customizes training programs for the user
Translation: An Internet training class.
$1 million for Radio Frequency Identification Technologies at the University of Louisville. This program at UofL will develop next-generation models to use data from radio frequency identification and global positioning devices more efficiently.
Translation: Sort of like the $159 GPS at Bass Pro Shops
University of Kentucky:
$2 million to continue the Military Fuels Research Program at the University of Kentucky. UK is conducting a military fuels research program with engineers and scientists from the Army National Automotive Center and the Air Force.
Translation: The same idea as proposed by T. Boone Pickens for free.
$1.2 million for the UK partnership with Ft. Knox to continue to develop a Rapidly Deployable Visualization Center.
Translation: A digital movie camera that can be used on iTunes.
Western Kentucky University:
$6 million to continue the development of technology defense systems at Western Kentucky University.
Translation: Designing a new video game called “War”.
Other Kentucky Defense Projects:
$1.4 million for Weapons Shot Counter development in Crestview Hills, Ky. This funding will be used to complete the development of the Weapons Shot Counter for military and Special Operations Forces.
Translation: A bullet counter.
$3.6 million for the Kentucky National Guard marijuana eradication efforts in the Daniel Boone National Forest and eastern Kentucky. The funding for this program is necessary to help the Kentucky National Guard continue its efforts to rid the Daniel Boone National Forest of this illegal crop.
Translation: There’s more money here than in corn.
$4 million for Rapid Wall Breaching Kit development in Graham, Ky. This funding will be used to develop soldier-portable wall breaching kits capable of penetrating thick walls for urban terrain missions.
Translation: A stick of dynamite and a roll of duct tape.